Thursday, January 3, 2013


again I have this almost painful need to write and draw and sing and scream
and once again I am a prisoner in my own mind and my own boundaries
today I spent half an hour staring at a spoon and maybe I could have done it that last night in brugge as then I was so sure nothing is real
I feel like screaming, hitting, crying, running till I am too tired to think
I never feel this way while traveling

I can’t recognize myself in the mirror
wearing dress and make-up and stuff
and I am not sure I like what I see
when I get ‘home’ first thing I will be throwing away half my clothes
and reading all the books I bought but never read
and ordering Rayuela in spanish cause it’s the purest poetry I’ve ever seen

I’ve been loving strangers this year, but yet again isn’t everybody?

I fall asleep while reading in the afternoon and dream about running up a hill and Ale saving me from a speeding car, whatever that means
you’re not really dead if nobody knows you’re dead
when I’m ready to die, I’ll disappear
I’ll go to new zealand and never come back

I am getting dizzy
you know the feeling you get in a library or a bookstore
wanting to read everything, right now, at once, to the last page, to smell and touch every book, to understand every character, to feel every line of poetry, to relive every story, and not be able to decide where to start, and feeling a little bit like crying, but mostly inspired….
well, that’s exactly how I feel when I look at a map

right now I just want to write but my thoughts are so scattered
I picture them as millions beads on the endless glass floor of time and space
and I never seem to be able to organize them in any way
that’s why I don’t write anything with a plot
I can always try stream of consciousness but, come on, people don’t understand or like even Faulkner, and he is a genius, so you’ll be shutting this page pretty soon

few days ago I found out I share a birthday with Kerouac, how cool is that

whatever, somebody finally put a password on that wifi, that’s the main reason I’m even thinking these

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