kaddish

the tree in front of my window didn't have a single leaf on
the first month i didn't cry at all
then i cried every day
the first evening he handed me a freezer bag full of jewellery 
what an insensitive thing to do
flowers from a birthday still in the vase
the first week i slept with my arm hanging from the edge of the bed towards the empty space at the tiniest possibility of her being there
the first year - i don't know yet
there was a lot to say but i chose not to

the flowers still in the vase, dry
the tree outside now fully green
i guess life goes on